Once upon a time, long ago, in the land of Britain, there lived a very evil witchqueen named Theresa May. Her government between 2010-2015 cut £44 billion from public services and cost the kingdom over 120,000 lives through their wicked magical invention Austerity. Austerity turns good people into the vulnerable, hungry and homeless while sending large streams of money to the private sector, during the same 5 year period she also gave away £465 billion to the greedy magicians who own the media and large corporations that prey upon the kingdom.
One night close to Christmas as Theresa slept in her casket, filled with native soil from her homeland. She was visited by three ghosts. The first ghost woke her up with a start as it stared down at her.
"I have been in your shoes" the ghost said. "I promised to sell housing cheap to the peasants, instead I made regulations to increase landlords profits and to make tenancies less secure. I sold off all the council houses under the right to buy scheme. Knowing of course , that these houses would end up in the possession of private landlords. I also failed to build any new social housing. This created high rents, insecure tenancies and homelessness"
"During my time as PM" the ghost continued. "I crushed the Unions and killed off the coal, steel and supporting industries, leaving vast areas of the kingdom with mass unemployment and forever shifting the balance from workers rights to corporate dominance. I also used a war to ensure I stayed in power and because my ego was beyond control, I even sent Nuclear weapons aboard those ships"
The Ghost then shed a tear as she explained. "I now see what an evil , callous, heartless PM I was. Take my advice Theresa, change your path ! My afterlife is filled with regret and horror, I relive the cruelty, hunger, homelessness and pain of my victims for all eternity!" With that Margaret Thatcher's Ghost vanished.
Theresa while being Strong and Stable was also slightly shaken. Nevertheless she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. She soon awoke as another Ghost appeared.
Grey and cold the Ghost was like a long thin inverted lamppost with two pairs of eyes that seemed to suck in the light from all around.
The Ghost spoke "I'm not actually a Ghost , I'm just quite pallid and grey. John Major is my name."
Theresa was shocked and stunned and dismayed, how can a man be alive , when so grey ?
The Ghost that was not a Ghost then spoke again. "I tried to heal the Party after Maggie's departure. But the sleaze scandals started and my tenure was mainly laughter. With satirical spitting image and my failure to govern, I made little impact and will be remembered for nothing. Take my advice Theresa May, change your ways This minute, This Night, This Day!"
With that the Ghost that was not a Ghost disappeared.
Theresa , less Strong and Stable, considered her experiences for a while. Then went back to sleep.
She was awoke for a third time.
The Ghost spoke "My Ghostly appearance is technicolor splendor, a magical device that allows me to communicate with you."
Theresa was unimpressed , with all that had happened. "Yes a hologram, I've seen it in the movies. What do you want David ?"
The Ghostly apparition then spoke further. "I'm David Cameron as you know me Theresa , I will spare you my resume. I created a magical word that once it was uttered would polarise the country, cripple our economy, trading relations, international relations and would lower our credit rating and sterling itself would plummet. I made the mistake of releasing the magic word to the press and now we sit on the edge of an abyss, because of my incompetence. If only I'd never heard that evil magical word, Brexit"
The Ghostly apparition then burst into floods of tears and winked out like a light being turned off.
Theresa sat up in bed, considering her night. She spent hours thinking about what the three ghosts had said. Then after much deliberation, she left her bed and went to the mirror on the wall. She looked into the mirror and with an evil glint in her eye she spoke "Strong and Stable". With that she got dressed, went downstairs and continued her reign of terror on the vulnerable, disabled, kids, public sector workers and the poor. No one except the extremely wealthy lived happily ever after.
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