Please be kind enough to read and share this appeal:
Are you aware that most Tory MPs have never had the benefits of a happy family upbringing ? That most Tory MPs were brought up by paid help or a Nanny ? That some Tory MPs only know their parents name because it is displayed on their Trust Fund ? That their closest confidant and friend is their butler ? If you can spare just 10 minutes a week please Adopt a Tory MP, send them a message or a letter and tell them that they are loved, that there is a better way. Encourage them to integrate with people , you know real people. Please adopt a Tory MP today and show them the way to a better life.
Please remember a Tory MP is not just for Christmas, they can be found dipping into the public cookie jar at all times of the year. They require the most exquisite diet, because of their fragile constitution. They also need lots of care and also light exercise once a year. A reasonable sized mansion is suggested for housing your Tory MP and a large amount of public money should be set aside for future upgrades - duck ponds, moats; the usual.
Special cases:
Jacob Rees-Mogg - Provided you can afford to look after his mother in-laws ancestral home which is a 300 room mansion, as it may need further repairs. Also you should be hypocrite tolerant and have a very high boredom threshold.
Actually taking into account the considerable challenge presented by Rees-Mogg, we've decided to waive any adoption fees.
Boris Johnson - make sure you don't let him anywhere near journalists or chinese property developers, or anyone ethnically different to him. While, we are still working on his people skills, he is generally more comfortable in the company of other scarecrows.
Priti "vacant" Patel - unfortunately this Tory MP is no longer available. She may be biting the bullet in return for a "mutual nice letter in the papers, full of the worst sycophantic bs you've ever read"
I should point out that two Tory MPs are already spoken for.
Mrs.May has been adopted by a poker expert, Mr B.L.Zebub , apparently he has "reserved a special place" for her, which is nice.
Mr.J.Hunt has also been reserved , by a gentleman named God, all he said was and i quote "I just need to find out where i went wrong"
