Dear Conservative Party,
I run a large corporation and we've been failing because I pay myself an exorbitant salary and have little respect for my minimum wage , zero hour contract employees. I've been told if I donate to the Conservative party I can get some action on the public purse and maybe you will throw a few lucrative contracts my way so I can keep my offshore bank account topped up.
I understand I may have to pay a small percentage of the legally required corporation tax. Anyways just let me know how much I need to donate and what kind of returns I can expect from the public taxes via overpriced contracts that I will try to provide at least 2 or 3% efficiency on. If it all goes tits up, just bet against me on hedge funds.
Thanks in advance.
Ric H.B'stard.
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